Ghosting. No, I’m not talking about the tradition during October where you ring your neighbor’s doorbell and leave Halloween candy on their doorstep. “Ghosting” is a term used to describe breaking off a relationship with someone suddenly by ending all communication with them. There’s no crying, no giving back each other’s belongings, or changing your relationship status to “single” once you’re officially broken up. The relationship ends with no explanation.
As someone who has been in a relationship for almost three years, I find it difficult to understand how someone could cut their significant other (or a friend) out of their life at the drop of a dime. One minute, everything is fine. The next minute, the relationship is nonexistent.
Unfortunately, I know girls who have been ghosted and girls who have ghosted their friend or boyfriend as their way of ending the relationship. To some people, ghosting may seem like the ideal method for breaking up with someone. To those types of people, deleting the other person’s existence from their social media and never responding to their calls or texts again sends a clear message the relationship is over. What they’re missing is the conversation with the other person explaining why.
When I talk to friends who have been ghosted, it’s clear they never figured out why they were cut out of their friend or partner’s life so suddenly. When I talk to girls who have ghosted people, it’s usually because they didn’t know how to tell the person they just weren’t interested in seeing them anymore, and the majority of them felt guilty about it.
In one instance, a friend of mine who ghosted her boyfriend found herself regretting it because she ended up in the same social circle as him a year later. The fact that she ghosted him made it extremely difficult for them to rekindle their friendship, and they never fully did.
I will admit, there are certain circumstances where ghosting is a reasonable way to cut off a relationship with someone. A friend or partner who is abusive or displaying stalkerish behavior towards you should have all communication to you completely removed. In these situations, your safety is at risk and you should take every precaution to make sure these types of people do not have access to you in any way. This means blocking their number, their social media accounts, etc.
However, when you have been in a relationship with someone for a significant amount of time, that person deserves an explanation as to why you want to end the relationship. They should not be left hanging and filled with questions about what they did to make you disappear.
Overall, it shows the person you are ghosting that you are not mature enough to handle a relationship. If you can’t have open and honest communication about your feelings, the person you ghosted should not wait for you to come back around. Instead, they should move on and find someone who values them and has the maturity to handle a relationship.
Also, if you have mutual friends, word will eventually get out that you ghosted your friend or partner. This may result in people losing trust in you and potential friends or boyfriends will decide to steer clear of you after hearing what you did to your former friend.
If you are ever ghosted by someone, try to bounce back quickly. Shame on the person who ghosted you for breaking up with you without giving you any closure. Odds are, they aren’t mature enough for a relationship if they never had the decency to give you a formal goodbye.
On the other hand, if you’re considering ghosting someone, please reconsider this. Imagine how you would feel if someone ghosted you. Your reputation could suffer as people become aware of what you did. Most importantly, don’t expect the person you ghosted to welcome you back with open arms if you ever try and communicate with them again. It’s better for everyone involved if you are honest about your feelings and give them the face-to-face conversation they deserve.
Originally published on HerCampus.com
